In Wessingway, love is the core value that compels Wessinites to take the vow of family. This vow is realized in the practice of Famo, the Virtuous Circle of Family and Joy. Famo has four elements: (1) Rituals, (2) Rites, (3) Rules, and (4) Rest. A functional and joyful family is the result of Famo. Wessinites observe longevity rituals, at times, as a family. They cook for their family members in the Wessingway, and teach them to cook. They act out of love and respect towards one another. They mark the passage of time by celebrating birthdays, weddings, graduations, and other rites. They devote Saturdays to family activities.
The family business of a Wessinites is family. Families who practice Famo create joy, stability, longevity, continuity, support, resilience, belonging, shared values, and the appreciation of passive wealth investments. These investments are intergenerational, allowing for Wessinites to maintain and grow their wealdoms over centuries, reasserting the sanctity of wildlife in perpetuity. In Famo, Wessinites quietly persist, raising their children to do the same. Because of intergenerational wealth, a second-generation Wessinite is more impactful than the first; the third, more impactful than the second.
Austro
The Virtuous Circle of Famo (a.k.a. The Virtuous Circle of Family and Joy) is one part of three of Austro, the Southern Asterwind. An Asterwind is a Wessinite custom made of a Value, Vow, and Virtuous Circle (the three Vs). Each Asterwind begets a unique power—in this case, joy.
Austro is made of the Value of Love, the Vow of Family, and the Virtuous Circle of Famo. When practiced over time, Austro begets joy. Said differently, Wessinites value Love, so they take the Vow of Family, live by the Virtuous Circle of Famo, and thereby create joy.
RITUALS
Wessinites are ritualistic in their adherence to Cirado, the Virtuous Circle of Health and Longevity. Cirado has eight longevity rituals. Famo expands these from an individual to a family practice. Longevity rituals are part of Wessinite family culture.
Janu is the Wessinite ritual of starting the day in a way that brings happiness and joy. This can be done in isolation or with other family members. Practicing yoga or mediation, taking a morning walk, drinking a cup of coffee—these are Janu rituals that may be shared or observed alone.
Sanu, the longevity ritual of a whole-food, plant-based diet may be observed as a family meal.
Coru is the longevity ritual of cardio-aerobic activity, which is easily adaptable from single to group observance. Tenu is the longevity ritual of time-restricted eating. Families can follow a group eating window.
The Weald’s Way
More often than not, my wife and I observe Janu together. I hand-grind the coffee beans every morning. We mindfully drink our coffee together, usually in bed, outside, or next to the fire, if it’s cold. In our home, breakfast is our family’s observance of Sanu. We eat oatmeal and fruit during weekdays and (vegan) french toast and pancakes on Saturday and Sunday. Our family eating window starts at 6:30 AM and ends at 5:30 PM. My son and I observe Coru when we walk to and from his school every day.
RITES
Rites are the family traditions that we associate with birthdays, holidays, festivals, and other annual events. These traditions may be influenced by the wider, cultural traditions of national, religious, and ethnic groups. Rites solidify our sense of family and our support for one another. They bring order and continuity to our lives, strengthen our relationships, and help create our identity.
Rites that are particular to Wessinites, and our values-based lifestyle, include planting trees, flowers, and a vegetable garden in the Spring. During the food festival months, Wessinites might learn a new recipe, or cook an old favorite, depending on the festival in question.
The Weald’s Way
My own family lives in the Appalachian mountains of North America. Consequently, we have adopted many of the cultural rites that our region of the world celebrates. We carve a pumpkin for Halloween, have Thanksgiving dinner every year at my mother-in-law’s, set up an indoor tree with lights and ornaments at Christmas, and host Christmas Eve dinner at our house. Though I myself am not Christian, I attend church with my wife, who is a Christian, every Easter, Mother’s Day, and Christmas Eve. For Mother’s Day, my wife and I go to a local nursery and pick out flowers of her choosing and plant them around the house. My wife, son, and I also celebrate birthdays with our extended family, which is extensive. We see each other on average of once a month, depending on how the birthdays fall throughout the year. As more children are born, we see each other even more.
RULES
Wessinites attempt to avoid the dysfunction common to families by following behavioral rules that foster healthy dynamics. These rules are anchored in love, support, respect, and science.
Wessinites Families:
(1) Practice open and respectful communication,
(2) Resolve conflict constructively, and
(3) Show love, support, and appreciation for other family members.
Open and Respectful Communication
Children often adopt the behaviors of their parents, and realize these behaviors in adulthood, including the way emotions are expressed and regulated (Hajal & Paley, 2020). A home environment where emotions are validated and communicated openly and respectfully helps children become emotionally healthy and well socialized adults (Eisenberg et al, 1998; Havighurst et al, 2020). Honesty is an extension of open and respectful communication.
Constructive Conflict Resolution
Parental arguments can be damaging to children when the arguments include physical violence, intimidation or threats, screaming and yelling, emotional abuse (such as name calling), and an ongoing lack of resolution, leading to a chronically tense and angry atmosphere (Smith, 2022).
Conflict that leads to physical and emotional abuse can result in long-term psychopathology, namely “internalization disorders” such as unhealthy levels of stress, anxiety and depression, not to mention emotional or behavior disabilities (Brock & Kochanska, 2016; Ravi & Black, 2022). Children who live in households that are ripe with parental conflict are more likely to experience emotional insecurity (Cummings et al., 2012). Emotionally insecure children are more likely to have problems internalizing and externalizing problems, which can lead to behavior dysregulation (including physical aggression and vandalism), emotional withdrawal, depression, problems adjusting to change, problems dealing with conflict, and problems with feeling physically and emotionally safe. Children who must remain vigilant in a household full of parental conflict, spending energy either avoiding it or worrying about it, have less mental and emotional capacity to manage other psycho-emotional challenges in their lives, or even set goals, making them less resilient and more reactive.
Conflict is normal for all groups, including families. Parents should not attempt to hide conflict so much as model constructive ways of managing it. Children should, on occasion, witness conflict that is balanced with love and respect, free from physical and emotional abuse, and that has a clear resolution. This teaches the child that people who love and respect each other can disagree and still be close. It also shows children that different viewpoints are valued, and that all family members are free to communicate their feelings and conclusions without fear of retaliation, name calling, or abuse (Smith, 2022).
In addition to improving their relationships with their children, partnered couples can improve their relationships with each other by mindfully employing strategies used to manage conflict, most notably, “acting with awareness, [engaging in] dialogue and avoiding conflict escalation” (Mandal & Lip, 2022; Smedly et al, 2021, Stafford, 2011). Additionally, apologies are critical when conflicts are not resolved in a healthy manner. When something valuable breaks, it must be repaired to work correctly, and relationships are no exception.
Love, Support, and Appreciation
A person who experiences close and supportive relationships in their childhood is more likely to be healthier and more resilient as an adult (Chen et al, 2017). Similarly, family members who communicate well with each other and support one another during periods of adversity tend to be healthier psychologically (Gecer & Yildirim, 2023; Parker et al, 2023).
Contrary to the popular book The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, there is little empirical evidence to support Chapman’s assertions that (1) there are five love languages, (2) each person has a primary love language, and (3) people need to speak the same love language to have an optimal relationship. Rather, the current evidence available suggests that there are more than five love languages, that most people rate any and all expressions of love highly, and hence, such diverse expressions, rather than a limited few, are associated with higher relationships satisfaction (Impet et al, 2022). In additional to the expressions of love underscored by Chapman (physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gift giving, and acts of service), other highly-valued expressions of love include supporting a person’s personal goals, recognizing a person’s autonomy, integrating a person into your own social network, and developing effective ways to manage conflict with a person (Stafford, 2011).
Admittedly, science is often complicated, and a metaphor, such as a “love language,” is sometimes a helpful way to understand scientific truths; however, thinking of love, and its expression, as a “nutritionally balanced diet” may be a more apt metaphor for showing our love, support, and appreciation since it recognizes that people need a wide variety of expressions to feel fully satisfied and be healthy within a relationship (Impet et al, 2022).
REST
For Wessinites, Saturdays are family days. Relationships are created, in part, from time spent with one another. Consequently, Wessinites use Saturdays to invest in family relationships. Outdoor activities—such has hiking, canoeing, biking, picnicking, gardening, swimming, and planting—are preferable to indoor activities, weather permitting. Otherwise, visiting a museum, theater, or restaurant (or another family member or friend) make wonderful indoor Saturday family activities.
References:
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Chen E, Brody GH, Miller GE. Childhood close family relationships and health. Am Psychol. 2017 Sep;72(6):555-566. doi: 10.1037/amp0000067. PMID: 28880102; PMCID: PMC5598786.
Cummings, E. M., George, M. R., McCoy, K. P., & Davies, P. T. (2012). Interparental conflict in kindergarten and adolescent adjustment: prospective investigation of emotional security as an explanatory mechanism. Child development, 83(5), 1703–1715. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2012.01807.x
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Smedley, D. K., Leavitt, C. E., Allsop, D. B., Nance, M., James, S. L., & Holmes, E. K. (2021). Mindfulness and Sexual Mindfulness as Moderators Between Conflict Resolution and Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 47(8), 814–828. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2021.1958962
Smith, K. (2022). Can parents’ fighting affect a child’s mental health? PsychCentral. https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-poison-ps-how-bitterly-divorced-parents-put-kids-in-the-middle-of-their-fight
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